dark little me

I'm sorry if it seems like everything I've recently written here are heavy, somewhat. I will blame Twitter for that. (Gone are the days where the mundane thoughts make appearance on this blog? Perhaps. Tweeting just makes it easy to dump every single inane thought that comes by.) I've been warped little by little of all the negativity I've been feeling, despite putting on a brave front. My best friend told me how she envies how I've been living my life as of late - confident, involved, happy. I'm all of those things to a certain extent, only because I try to be those things as humanly as possible. Because I try. But I'm still human. Chelle, I'm not quite the superwoman you might be thinking I am. I can be high as an unencumbered bird, so free and mindful of that very precarious freedom, but oh god, there are just days when I feel like I've been doing nothing with my life. Like I can drop like a fly and die, and I'd be fine with it. (Not that I'd know how I'd feel about dying posthumously, I'd be dead after all.) I'm human, all parts of me, gloriously so. There are too many days when I feel like just drowning in my own world, and I just want to stay there, sleep, and think.

Those are the days when I don't answer my phone. To everyone who has been victim of the general gloom of my dark, selfish days when the very sight of people gives me hives...I sincerely apologize.

Yours in emotional apocalypses and mental breakdowns,
Nina